Here I sit on my lunch break staring down the barrel at many questions and much uncertainty. Questions I would love to wake up and have answered tomorrow. Uncertainty I wish would become clarity.
In the midst of it all, in an Aladdin-esq scene, I hear GOD ask, Do you trust me?
And my response, much like Jasmine, is a very guarded, Yes.
You see, my life has been a quest for one thing: security. A sense of home. Something I have never really had. The American Dream if you will. It has been instilled in me my whole life, and yet has equally eluded me. I had once thought I would for sure have it by now. But, alas, I face daily threats to a life I deem secure. Just when I think I have it figured out, I realize my idea of security is really a smokescreen. A way to hide in comfort from the real security: a life completely abandoned to the Will of GOD.
Christ told us it may not be a comfortable security. Even He did not have a place to rest, a place to call home. Yet, He was completely secure (Matt 8:20, Luke 9:58). It requires us to sacrifice, to carry a cross of our own (Luke 9:23). Though it may get uncomfortable and will require sacrifice, His will is the most secure place to exist.
GOD has been dealing with me this week regarding my American Idol – Do I trust Him to meet ALL my needs in spite of a lack of obvious “security”? Am I willing to abandon this idol and walk forward into any place He calls me to, even a Nineveh? Or, am I going to follow my idol and risk ending up drowning with no way out but a fish?
At one point, anxiety was so overwhelming in my life that following the unknown out of security would have paralyzed me. But, after prayer, I realize the peace that accompanies following GOD‘s direction. His security will be so much greater compared to the dream/ideal I have carried my whole life.
So, again I hear, Do you trust me?
And this time, I place my hand squarely in His and jump.