Today I woke up as a small business co-owner. Not only that, today marked our first day actually open as a business. However, rather than waking up and putting all of our energy into our newly established business, my lovely co-owner and I had to go to our day jobs. The jobs that pay the bills while we chase our dreams: AngelInk Illuminations and beyond.
As the title says, this post is about Life: Unmasked. Getting real about things, rather than acting like things are perfect, or like I have it all together.
I was not pleased to have to go into my normal day job. I so look forward to the day when I do not have to drive there on a daily basis. (Since I work at a church, this makes me feel like a terrible person). But, I am doing a job I am not good at, and that makes me not enjoy it.
Thus, when I woke up this morning, I was excited to be a small business owner/operator, but discouraged because it is not yet enough to sustain me.
Fast forward a few hours: I discovered that I had made a BIG mistake at work. Huge oversight on my part led to a semi-catastrophe. However, it was not big enough to warrant the meltdown I had in response to the issue. But, each little thing that has been happening has been stuffed and stuffed, and finally boiled out today. The worst point came when, for a brief moment, I thought I might actually be prevented from rectifying the problem [my way].
You see, on my own, I Am:
An emotional perfectionist with an anxiety disorder that is triggered by my imperfections.
I had no grace for myself today. Though the above identity is covered and removed by the blood and grace of Christ, sometimes I cling to it too tightly, allowing Him no room to move and soften me.
Lucky for me, even when i have no grace for myself, His grace is sufficient for me. Especially in my weakest moments, as experienced today, He can be shown as my strength (2 Cor 12:9).
The enemy has learned my weaknesses, and he has learned when I am at my weakest. He takes advantage of these facts, and sometimes I do fall into the traps he sets for me. I give in to the temptation to meltdown, to be anxious over my failures, and to doubt myself to the very core of my being.
But, when I take a moment, step back, and remember that I am redeemed, I know I am forgiven. And, unfortunately for the enemy, this means my story will be better, my testimony sweeter, and my relationship with my Abba that much stronger.
This post is about Life: Unmasked.
Mask off: I am a Redeemed child of the King who still stumbles often.
Yet, when I am Grace-less, I find Him to be most Gracious.
What about you? Have you had a grace-less moment in which you found His grace to be there for you, where you had none for yourself? I would love to hear about it.