When you find yourself in a place or situation that does not utilize the gifts or skills GOD has placed in you, or that forces you to use skills you don’t really have, it can be awkward at best. At worst, it can be downright miserable.
This is why I am so excited about the things GOD is doing in my life.
For the past two years I have been at a job that I thought I would do well…but was wrong. I mean, I have been doing a good enough job; but in the end, good enough just isn’t good enough.
I am thankful for the experience, but I am even more thankful that the time has come for the experience to end.
I learned a lot about myself over the past two years. I learned that I can be organized, for myself and others. I learned that being organized for others makes me frustrated. I learned that I can work creative design software, I just prefer to do so on projects where I have complete creative control. I learned that I was not created to be an administrator; I was created to be a creator (writer&artist), a mentor, and a counselor. And, I learned that I hate to work in a traditional environment, in the same place, on the same projects, with no sunshine, day after day.
Now, I am ready for the next adventure. I am done with the monotony of a cubical, and the frustration of not using the gifts GOD has placed inside of me (or not seeing how those gifts are being used).
As excited as I am, though, I am nervous. Someone is coming in behind me to take my place. And I don’t feel ready. Being unorganized as I am, I feel unprepared to hand over the reigns. So, tomorrow, I am waking up early, going to work, and trying to prepare for her first day.
I hope to hide the fact that I was really ill-equipped for this job until after I’m gone.
I hate comparisons, and I shudder to think that they will happen before I leave. I fear I will be found out for the fraud that I have been, and she will be discovered to be the perfect person for the position. This will lead them to say, “why didn’t we choose her in the first place?”
But, the past is the past, and for better or worse, they chose me in the first place. Now, I get to go off on an adventure of whatever GOD opens up before me, and my predecessor gets to take over on a job I gladly let go of.
I don’t know what the next step is. I don’t know how my bills will be paid after December…
But GOD knows, and GOD is in control. I don’t have to be anxious at all, and when I do feel anxious, I remember the words of Philippians 4:6-7
“Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything, by prayer and petition, with thanksgiving, present your requests to GOD. And the peace of GOD, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.”
See, a lot is changing. The future is wide open before me, and the past that has shaped me is slipping away. Even in my occasional anxiety and questions…
I have never felt so free!