As I said in an earlier post, Trust is my word for 2012. It’s the word I know I have to work on this year.
Ironically, Trust is also the theme for this week’s 5 Minute Friday. Yes, I know today is Saturday, but this is the first time I have been able to sit down to write a post.
Here are the rules: Write for 5 minutes. Don’t over think, no editing, just write.
One of the biggest dreams I have is to build a life I feel at home in. Namely, to have a home to call my own, filled with things (and hopefully people) that I love.
When I was really young, we moved – a lot. Added to that, I was going back and forth between parents. Then, I got taken out of the life I knew at 6 years old and moved half way across the country to a state I didn’t want to be in. There, I was subjected to a toxic and often hostile environment of immature and broken relationships.
I never quite felt at home, but I felt safe in my room. It was my refuge.
In these formative years, I started dreaming of fleeing back to Cali to build a life I knew I wanted. A house to call my own. To decorate, and live an open life filled with love and friendship. Sometimes, I dreamed of finding a wonderful man to marry and build such a life with, but most of the time, I just wanted the house and friends and family. (Lucky for me, during all of this, my mom encouraged my dreams.)
Now, I am half way there. I made it back to the Bay Area. I love it here. And though at this time I don’t always know where my rent is coming from, and this does not at all look like what I expected, I know I am well on my way to the dreams I always wanted.
Along the way I have learned to turn those dreams over to God. I am learning to trust Him with my dreams, knowing His reality for me will often far exceed those of my own expectations. At this exact time (possibly because of Valentine’s Day), I am waiting expectantly for the husband & owning a home part of the equation. I am trusting that if God brought me this far, He will bring me the rest of the way, even if it doesn’t quite match, I know that I will recognize my dreams.
Trust is taking work. Recognizing my dreams in reality takes reflection.
My Abba is teaching me both.