This week, as I read the Tuesday @ Ten prompt FEAR, I had a hard time centering in on what I’d want to write about. I’ve already dredged up my worries & anxieties here; they aren’t quite a secret.
But, Young Adults group last night & events today made me see some of my fear in a new light, and are helping me pray through a new attitude.
The study we have been working on is called: “All In”.
Something the author/speaker said was: “Do the right thing for the right reason”.
I struggle with this sometimes, as I wrote last week, many of my motives are more self-involved. And, many of those selfish motives come from a place of fear.
- Fear of how others will see me.
- Fear that I may never be successful (read: that other’s will see me fail).
- Fear that I may always be single (read: that no one will love me).
- Fear that I will be unable to do what God has called me to do (read: I won’t be able to impact others).
Do you see the pattern? My fears heavily revolve around others: their perceptions & my ability to please them.
Today, at work, we had a crazy day. One of those day-to-day days that I needed God’s strength. Especially when a complaint came in about me, in the midst of one of our busiest & craziest times of the morning, but the complainant would not stick around to talk to me or my manager, instead just saying she would go straight to corporate…
Now, she has me panicking, going over every interaction I’ve had with her this week…and, in reality, in all situations, I was friendly & followed all our policies & I thought, had given good customer service.
I don’t know the nature of the complaint, so I don’t know how to alter my behavior (yet). I don’t know what will happen when corporate gets the complaint, but on hearing that word corporate I began to panic:
What if I get into a lot of trouble? I don’t even know what I did…She won’t even wait a moment for my manager to be available. What will the action be? Could this lead to termination?
Things like this went on in my head for a while, and, while logically, I’m sure this one complaint will not lead to my termination, the thought crossed my mind… And, even though I love my job and would hate to lose it, when I take a real look at the fear, it’s actually more than that:
I’m afraid of what others will think of me if I were to ever be terminated, and I worry about the potential damage to all future career possibilities.
But, as I was going about my day, needing to not overanalyze or stress or ruminate on this, I began to pray over it. That God’s peace would flood me. That I would be able to focus on all the other tasks that needed to take place. That I would not be gripped all day by anxiety & fear. It was during all of this that He reminded me, quietly:
“The Lord is with me; I will not be afraid. What can man do to me?” – psalm 118:6
He reminded me, no matter the outcome, if I am still walking with Him, He knows my heart & He has my future in his hands. I could lose this job, fail to graduate, & find myself so far set back, but His purpose will prevail. His Glory will always shine through. His love will get me through it.
I have no need to be afraid. This job is only a small part of my story; a way to gain experience that will help in His calling on my life. It is something I enjoy doing while He lays the groundwork for the life He has called me to.
Besides, no matter how much you love something, or how much money it makes you, nothing is quite as satisfying or worth the struggles & sacrifices as walking out His will in our life.
What others think has no bearing. What others can do to me cannot break His will. If I am living in His will, no person or circumstance can break my will, either. So, now, I can/will take steps to begin: “Doing the right thing for the right reason” more often. And that reason?
For HIS Glory
“What then shall we say in response to these things? If God is for us, who can be against us?” – Romans 8:31