This week’s Tuesday @ 10 word is “Grow”… so many ways one can go with that.
But, tonight, I don’t feel much grown.
After many tears today, especially the last couple of hours, my eyes burn; left my throat sore & raw, my lungs burning from irregular air flow. My body exhausted.
Instead of feeling grown, I feel like I have spent the day as a scared kid.
And, I tell myself I thought I was past all this:
Every time, I swear it’s the last time…
I swear I’ve learned the “signs”
And can stop the onset.
It’s a Lie!
Still, they come, like a flood.
Air escaping, throat tightening
Thoughts 10000 miles a minute
Out of Control.
But, I always tell myself,
“That’s the last one.”
IT’S A LIE…
I can no more stop them
Than I can make the Sun stop shining.
And, I’m Tired.
Tired of pretending.
Tired of running.
Tired of acting so strong,
When really, I seem to be the
Weakest Person I Know.
Yet, every time I think I can’t go on,
I am Amazed that I am able to
Make it through
Just One More Day.
So, maybe the growing is not in stopping, but in accepting. Maybe the growth is the process, the timing, the learning.
Perhaps, the growth is in loving oneself, even when an “episode” has happened. Maybe, just maybe, the real growth is in being able to make it through
Just. One. More. Day.