“How can we not talk about Family
When family’s all that we got?
Everything I went through
You were standing there by my side,
And now you go’n be with me for the last ride.” -Wiz Kalifa ‘See You Again’
In 7th grade I fell in love with a fictional character. Then, I fell in love with a family. And, eventually, as more were produced, the franchise never left my heart.
Blue eyes, blonde hair, tan skin, and some Chuck Taylor’s. I was hooked. He was pretty much perfect. But, what really got me?
This character, this family – the fierce, unwavering loyalty among them, no matter which side of the law they were on…
By now, many readers may realize the character I fell in love with was Brian O’Connor & the film franchise The Fast and The Furious. This film franchise is one of my all time favorites. Paul Walker, one of my favorites. And Brian O’Connor one of my first real “fiction person” crushes.
And that one single quality, Loyalty, is what drew me in & kept me there; immune to the fact that they usually do things that aren’t exactly kosher.
Loyalty is a characteristic that is very important to me.
As a matter of fact, it is one of the qualities those around me attribute to me most often, and several times has been cited to be to the extreme. I have been told on more than one occasion that because of my loyalty I remind people of Ruth (which is a fantastic compliment to me).
I had an English teacher in High School who described me as “loyal beyond reason” while discussing an issue I was having with a friend, noting that I went farther for those around me who didn’t do the same for me, often even after some had tried to push me away or treat me terribly.
Cousin has also recently pointed out the negatives to my loyalty when it comes to how much responsibility I feel towards bosses I work for.
My loyalty leads to an over-the-top sense of responsibility to just about every relationship around me…
With a very important exception:
- #1 – relationship to God
I have found myself wavering from my relationship with God more times than I’d like to admit: questioning His Love & providence. Refusing to live with His sovereignty. Putting so many other things first. Oscillating between doubt and faith, often staying in the unrest of the former.
What should always be the most important relationship has been the throw away relationship so often. And, often unintentionally.
“Ride or Die.”
That’s what they say in the F&F movies. Ride or die… That’s how I feel about so many of the closest relationships in my life.
But, this one? I find it hard sometimes…yet, He’s the ONLY ONE who actually did die for me.
Crucified in the most gruesome of ways so that I may have abundant life, not only here, but in eternity with Him.The only one to sacrifice Himself, conquer death & the grave. The only one to raise from the dead in order to do so.
As I was sitting in church praying over all the things I have going on, I felt Him move, heard him asking, “Are you finally going to put me first? Am I finally going to be the most important?”
– and my heart genuinely hopes so…
And, as I’ve thought of all this today, I realized, maybe that’s one the biggest reasons I haven’t had a lot of romantic relationships thus far in my life.
Maybe it’s a blessing, the best kind. Perhaps, He has been protecting me from bringing someone into my life before I was ready, not because I am not mature or grown up enough to be a wife and mom, but because my intense feelings of loyalty would immediately put my husband (and possibly kids) over God in my life.
An unintentional idol created by this quality He put in me for beauty & love – taken beyond reasonable measure.
So, as I make the decision each day to really put Him first, perhaps I will move into finally being ready for Him to bring someone into my life. Ready to put that man in the place he belongs in my life: After God, before me.
For now, I will work on putting everything else in order: God first – all else will follow.
Connecting this week for Tuesday at 10: Blessed