“Hope deferred makes the heart sick, but a longing fulfilled is a tree of life.”
– Proverbs 13:12
I did it.
I packed up my life, loaded as much of it into my car as would fit, and drove across country with my mom. Back to a place I never thought I’d call home again.
Now, a week later, I’m all settled in.
I went back to the church I grew up in. Had an incredible time of worship.
I’ve reconnected with my dearest friend. And, spent a lot of time with my family.
I’ve applied for countless jobs and have begun praying for my dwindling finances.
So, tonight, I took to the internets – the dating sites, as it were.
And, apparently, my options are more limited here than they were on the Left Coast…
So, it seems, for now, my mate is not to be found online. And, as at first, that struck me as making it a hopeless cause.
I have all the hope in the world.
Other than for four months last year, Single is what I do.
Do I want a partner? Absolutely
My heart longs for it. Some days, the ache is almost all I can take. Some days, my heart cries out in ways only my heart can cry out.
But most days? I can definitely survive until it happens; I can survive if it never happens.
But, I have hope – hope that a partner will come some day.
I have hope because my Abba God knows my heart. He knows the ache in there. He knows it intimately, because He created it.
I have hope, because I pray for “him” almost every day:
I have been “devoted to [him] in love…joyful in hope, patient, and faithful in prayer”
For over a decade, my heart has held a special place for “him” and I have hope my Abba will fill that space.
Because, I believe that it is within His will that many of His people find an ezar (Gen 2:18). He knows it is not good for us to be alone, and He created this space in our hearts.
As for what I am patiently waiting & praying for?
Some people have told me that by requiring “he” be a Man of God, that I am asking too much. That people, especially in my generation, are just not as devoted to Christ as they used to be. So, I should dull down that standard. Perhaps a “church goer” is enough; or maybe someone who is just “spiritual”.
To that, my whole-hearted response is:
I would rather serve Christ alone & single, than serve Christ alone & in a relationship.
So, is my standard too high?
Perhaps – but it’s not going anywhere.
So “he’s” not online. That’s ok. That just gives me hope that God has something even greater in mind for our love story.
And, I can’t wait to see what He makes of it.
“But if we hope for what we do not yet have, we wait for it patiently” – Romans 8:25
“May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit” – Romans 15:13