I have spent a lot of time recently thinking lately about where I’ve been, where I am, and where I want to be.
I am so thankful I am not where I was…But, I am also thankful for each step of the journey, as hard as they have been.
I appreciate where I am now. It’s not that I really feel like I’m exactly where I want to be, but all evidence points to me being where I am supposed to be.
Recent events have made me acutely aware that God is using this time to grow me & stretch me, preparing me for the dreams that lay ahead.
Right now, there are a lot of times where I am consumed by the worry about finances or paperwork or social calendars…and my need to please everyone around me, often at the expense of myself.
But, now, I am taking those decisions back.
As I see what it may take to make those dreams possible, I’m aware of some important things:
I need to appreciate the moment I’m in. It’s beautifully ordinary, never perfect, and awfully wonderful, all at the same time. And, while I can’t wait to share all of that with someone, I am so appreciative of this time I have for myself.
I have to make different choices & decisions; intentionally, based on the dreams I want to see come true. I get to either be proactive or non-active. It’s my choice, and no amount of prayer or hope is going to replace any of the things God wants me to do to prepare and move forward. He has His part, but I, too have mine.
God has been with me – always. Evidence is there. Even on the days when I wonder, when I question, He’s there. I can fully rely on Him & trust in Him, even when my emotions aren’t there or say otherwise.
I cannot wait to be in a relationship. I look forward to sharing all of this experience with a partner, a man of God…That said, I am so glad I’m getting some extra time to learn and grow. I know I will be better prepared when our paths cross, and I hope he is as well.
Honestly, lately, I’m tired.
Until recently, I’ve been forgetting to care for myself. I’ve been in a state of denial about some changes that have to be made for my own health (and probably sanity)…
But, I’m trying. I know that if I ever want to care for a family, I have to be able to care for myself, too…even on the craziest days.
So, thank God for music & chocolate, my easiest reboot on long days as I prepare for what dreams may come.