Let me start by saying: I am extremely excited to be a mom! It is something I have wanted & prayed for for years. I am very much looking forward to holding that little bundle & watching Baby C grow…
But, I’m going to be brutally honest:
So far, pregnancy just plain sucks – physically, emotionally, mentally, spiritually. It is taking all I have: mind, body, and soul…
I have had extreme nausea from the beginning, along with worse fatigue than I have ever known in my life. Then there’s the gas, the heartburn, the anxiety, the depression, all of it.
Emotionally and mentally? I haven’t felt this low in 10 years, and experienced such anger, irritability, and depression since High School. And, I never wanted to experience that again. But, the pregnancy hormones have magnified every area of failure & weakness by about a million.
I don’t feel like a glowing fertility goddess. I don’t feel like more of a woman. I have had very few happy moments during these last 5 months. I honestly feel like something more akin to an alien, acutely aware that my body has been taken over & is not my own for these next months/years.
The part I’m actually enjoying & relishing the most right now is the stretch marks. Something most women dread & work very hard to avoid. But, eating has been a struggle, so there has been very little wight gain; and with doctors appointments only being once a month, I only get to check in on the baby & hear Baby C’s heartbeat once a month. So, those stretch marks? They let me know that baby is growing in there.
Honestly, I have also spent a lot of time feeling bad about not liking this experience. I know this sounds horrible of me, to not be enjoying it. To feel like I can only do this one time, and it may be more than I can handle. Especially since I prayed for this day.
Please, don’t take all of this as me not wanting my child. Because I already love Baby C, and I can’t wait to hold that sweet bundle in my arms. Even in the midst of the negativity, the baby is the hope. I do feel the weight of the timing of it all, and the lacking of plan, and a complete lack of control on my part. But, I can’t wait to meet my little bundle and snuggle him/her.
But, so far, the journey is not one I’ve enjoyed. I thought I was the only one, but I’m learning I’m not.
The “it’s all going to be worth it” plays in my head, and now we have a heartbeat animal, so I can hear Baby C’s strong heartbeat as a reminder. But, until I hold that baby, these thoughts are just words. I have no real frame of reference, since this is my first.
Some women are just really good at being pregnant. They embrace it and it embraces them. I somewhat envy these women, because it seems pregnancy is just not my thing. If we’re sharing, I’m honestly not sure if I can go through it again, though I’d like to have more than one kiddo.
I do ask myself sometimes, why I can’t just feel blessed 24/7 right now, by the honor of helping God create life? Why this experience is so hard for me. Am I the only one that feels this way?
Most of the time, I do feel like I’m the only one. And, I have spent a lot of time feeling horrible, like less of a woman, for feeling this way. Instead, I feel like I should feel blissed out like other mommas to be & I’m just not…Yet, I am also becoming more aware that I’m not the only one who feels this way.
Now, as I said above, it isn’t all bad. There are things I enjoy about this time:
- I am being used by God to bring life into the world. More light & love to face the darkness.
- Tracking baby’s development in my apps.
- Hearing Baby Cs heartbeat – a sign of sweet, healthy life.
- Stretch marks – the only physical evidence I constantly have that baby is growing in my tummy.
- The ultrasound pictures! Baby C’s first glimpses. Baby is growing beautifully, with both arms, legs, all fingers & toes…I’m in awe!
- Getting to know whether Baby C is a boy or girl (we’ll share soon!) This will just make it that much more real to me!
Now, for my must haves:
The first trimester can be tough, but I will say, there are some investments to make that make it a bit easier:
- Saltines or some other crackers. The nausea is real, y’all. Keeping these by my bed made a huge difference.
- Ginger Ale. Sometimes, plain water just did not want to go down, and a queazy stomach needed to be settled.
- A good water bottle. Water is so important during this time, and a good water bottle comes in handy. I prefer the kind of cups/bottles that can keep water ice cold. It’s easier for me to stomach really cold water.
- Brach’s peppermint candies. The preggie pop drops were too sweet for me. These peppermint candies went with me everywhere the first 12 weeks. Peppermint soothes the tummy, and can sometimes get you ready to eat.
- Sea Bands. We have taken a bunch of road trips, short & somewhat long (and about to take another). These made a big difference regarding the motion sickness.
- The B-6/Unisom blend. Talk to your health professional before starting this, but it has been a pivotal game changer in the sleep & nausea department.
- Prenatal Vitamins. I take the gummy kind, as most regular vitamins don’t sit well with me when I’m not pregnant. It’s been a life long issue. I also recommend taking your vitamin at night, to help with the morning sickness issue that vitamins can sometimes cause.
- What to Expect. The app has been great, and I’ve also taken snippets of the book. I highly recommend this resource. Especially as a first time mom.
- Ovia app. This one has been the best for tracking growth, learning information, and keeping track of my appointments/milestones/more.
- Pregnancy tracking book. This is an important time. You might want to be able to look back and see how it was, see what you prayed/thought for your little one. How they grew. Things like that.
- A good maternity bra. I grew fast in this area, and had a lot of soreness…underwires are just not my friend.
- Bra extenders. These were a life saver before I really wanted to try to invest in more than one maternity bra. And, they are super cheap! Invest, it’s worth it.
What about you? What was your pregnancy experience? Any 1st trimester must haves? Any advice for young moms or first time moms? Share below.