“She probably just likes me better…” the owner of the ultra sound boutique said.
It took a minute to register who that “she” was referring to…
She? I’m having a she?!
In that moment, a brief wave of panic washed over me. Right up until they handed us the print outs with pictures of our little girl. Especially the one where she’s got her thumb in her mouth. She is her mothers daughter…
That’s right. Last month, I found out we’re having a little girl. And for a brief moment, I panicked.
Not because I won’t love her or don’t want her – because I do.
But, because I had always wanted a boy. I had planned for a boy. Envisioned being a boy mom. And some of my friends, they said the same things…
So, I tried to be mentally prepared for a girl.
The crazy part is, if you had asked me at any point in this pregnancy what I thought I was having, I would have said girl. I did say girl. I referred to her as “she” & “her”. Even though I wanted a boy – and had named my boy – I just knew this was a girl.
So, why the panic? The momentary disappointment?
Well, I wanted a boy.
I was mentally prepared for a boy. Emotionally prepared for a boy.
I picked my boy name years ago, before love, before marriage.
My generation of family is mostly girls, but has produced mostly boys.
My husband’s generation is all boys, and they have produced all boys.
I know girls can be much higher maintenance.
I understand boys & how boys play…
The list goes on.
But, believe me, the literal 60 seconds later, when they handed me her pictures, all of that melted away.
I’m having a girl.
I knew she was a girl & I was right.
I’m going to be a girl mom…
Right along side my best friend, who will also have a girl a few weeks before me.
We are having a girl.
Husband, raised with all brothers, and me, raised with all sisters.
We are going to be girl parents,
And, we are both just going to be learning as we go.
We both could not be happier, either. I’m pretty sure we both teared up at the news.
We got a heartbeat animal with baby girl’s heartbeat, and it puts a smile on my face each time I hear it.
What has this taught me?
Well, by posting in supportive forums, I have learned I am not alone in this initial fear/disappointment at having a baby with a different gender than originally thought. I also learned I’m not alone in that feeling dissipating very shortly thereafter.
I’ve learned that joining this new life group – the group of parents – means having new supports I didn’t even know I had. It’s like I’m being welcomed in a new club. And, I am so thankful for it.
I’ve learned that some people are just miserable, and want as many people to be miserable as they are, so they will criticize everything. These aren’t the people I’m letting in. Nor should you.
I’ve learned that being a first time parent is terrifying, as is the journey to get there. We first time parents need extra encouragement.
In the coming weeks, I will share more of my pregnancy journey & the prep for baby, but I just wanted to share this news & help normalize this stage of the process for others who may be in a similar situation, and feeling guilty about it.
Even if your disappointment/fear lasted longer, it’s ok. I’ve been assured it does go away. Mine was literally a minute, and gone, but it has taken others longer. You aren’t the only one feeling this way, and it’s perfectly ok to feel this way.
I also wanted to share my excitement. Now that my brain has made the shift, now that we’ve told everyone, now that the grandmothers have already started to spoil her, now that I’ve been more attuned to my friends who have little girls,
I know girls. I know girls can be so much fun.
And, I know this baby girl will have daddy wrapped around every little finger the minute she arrives!
I am already so excited to see what kind of little girl baby girl.
I just pray she has my singing voice, my sister’s natural music ability, my cousins’ confidence, and all of our passion!
Yup, I cannot wait to meet this little girl.
February, you can’t get here fast enough!