It’s been a while since I’ve shared my heart here. I know I posted at least once since my Little Ladybug was born, but since then, I’ve been adjusting to our new reality.
During the last 3 months – that’s right, we made it 3 months! – I have been caught up in the whirlwind of new motherhood. And, the fog is just barely beginning to clear.
I have also spent some of this time praying and thinking about what Tiny Nephesh will look like with all the changes that have been going on. Is this still my calling? Is this still where I should focus? What should my content be if I don’t want to solely be a “mom blogger” (they are, after all, a dime a dozen…). And, I do believe God has been leading me amidst the changes to continue this journey.
Some big changes have happened since bringing her home, and continuations of things we had already started: we are still on the path to church plant, we are still living “tiny”, and we are still married (started year 2, yay!).
But, more on all that later. Just know, the blog and writing will continue as before: focus on womanhood, motherhood, marriage, tiny/simple living, and ministry – and how all of that is connected.
For the rest of this post, though, I want to share some of my postpartum journey – my introduction into being a stay at home mom.
I was reading in a forum – sometimes a terrible thing to do; comparison is the thief of joy -a mom posted a question about what other SAHM get done in a day, lamenting that she feels a lot of pressure from her fiancé to have the house cleaned, dinner on the table, and baby completely taken care of when he gets home from work. A mom responded that this is exactly how it should be – and then went on to brag about her own “supermom” status of having 2 kids, doing all the housework, cooking, running errands, and having dinner on the table each night. All while keeping said 2 tiny humans alive.
Let me tell you, I felt really defeated. I’ve barely gotten things put away in our new home. I can only manage part of a load of laundry at a time. I can’t cook if I’m alone with baby girl because she requires a lot of attention. I do work from home with hubby’s help, but during the day while he’s gone, I do well to make sure I eat and beyond that, my job is keep the tiny human alive and thriving. And, I do that very well, thank you very much. (most days, anyway)
I always knew SAHM life wasn’t easy, but I didn’t realize, especially in the early days how difficult it can be. Especially running on almost no good sleep & suffering from extreme PPD/PPA/PTSD (more on that later).
So, I’m coming to terms with what I am able to accomplish in this new SAHM life. And, I’ll just give you a glimpse of what I was able to get done today:
- I taught my VIPKid classes
- I washed a few bottles
- I fed the rabbit
- I kept tiny human alive
- I watched Reba & a couple of TInkerbell movies
- I napped when baby napped (she wouldn’t be put down & I only got about 3.5 hours of sleep last night)
- I ate copious amounts of junk food
This postpartum reality is a trip. As much as I try to have a reliable schedule, every day ends up slightly different – though we are coming up with a steady nighttime routine.
It has struck me, as I’ve been going through this, that post-baby life really is our new reality. Our marriage is entirely different now. We had a good first year alone, but that was it. Our family is now us & her.
My life is different now. No more alone time for me. At least, not like before. And, I have to be physically available to another human 24/7. That makes it very difficult for me to be physically available for anyone else. By the time she goes to bed, I am completely touched out. Which also affects marriage.
This new reality has been tough to adjust to, but we are getting there. Like I said, the fog has just barely begun to fade. So, I suspect, light will be coming soon.
What are your postpartum experiences? Care to share below? Any advice for a new SAHM? Share below.