I really wanted to write a post about my book launch. I wanted it to be pretty and polished and have everyone be so excited…but, then June happened.
Let me just say, this has been a tough month. I’m doing my best to learn how to have joy always – or rather, to choose joy always – which, is one of my go-to hashtags on Instagram #choosejoy. (By the way, if you don’t follow me there yet, you should: Tiny_nephesh.
I’m learning a lot of things through this trying time, and thought I’d share them with you. Maybe the life lessons that are coming my way can help you.
Let’s start with hurt feelings. It seems I accidentally (along with many others) hurt someone’s feelings. I got really frustrated by their reaction to hurt feelings. Then, I had my feelings hurt by some friends in the exact same way. I tried really hard to think about it from their perspective and the many reasons things may not have gone my way: they were busy, or didn’t know what was needed, or maybe, they honestly didn’t care. Any which way, I ‘m not responsible for their feelings, only how I respond. So, rather than getting mad, I tied to remember that people show friendship and support in different ways. It doesn’t mean they care about me any less.
See, we get so caught up in being the center of the world – even though we aren’t – that we can be sensitive to all the wrong things. I am guilty of being too sensitive. I am learning that is one way to easily forget to choose joy.
Now, loving our families. Gosh, has June been hard. I began medication in May for PPD/PPA/PTSD/OCD (That Postpartum hit like a ton of bricks). However, this month, there has been a long wait to get back to see someone since I don’t have insurance and they messed up my follow up appointment opportunity (long story – community mental health needs way more support), but I digress. Since I have been off of the meds again, I realize the night and day difference they make in my headspace.
What does this have to do with loving the family? Love for us, right now, as we wait for my next appointment (and hopefully get to stay on track) looks so different. My husband has to show so much more patience, and I have to have so much more grace for myself. I have to remind myself that loving my daughter really does involve teaching her independent skills, when it would just be easier to hold her and nap 24/7.
Also, this could be called “Panic Attacks”, because I’ve had several full on panic attacks about bugs and weather. Y’all, Oklahoma’s summer has not been kind to us. I’m so worried about protecting Baby Girl from the tornados or being bitten by the bugs, and trying so hard to keep my bunny safe from fly strike – but, I’m not handling it well. The anxiety is overblown, I know, but it stems from wanting to protect Baby Girl and baby bun bun.
My poor husband, you guys! Loving our family is a choice, some days is easier than others. Some days, it seems impossible, especially when something else is going on in your headspace. But, every day, it means waking up and choosing it all over again, no matter how the night before ended.
When we choose joy and choose love, we do see a better life begin to form around us, because there is light even in the darkness. I honestly had not felt like myself until that medication helped even me out, and I know my husband and I are ready for me to be back on it, even if temporarily while my body adjusts after baby.
So, we choose joy, we choose love, and I’m finally getting back to choosing gratitude.
Right now, one of the biggest things I am thankful for is that my book “You’re Not Alone: Bible stories and prayers for pregnancy and new motherhood” is finally available on Amazon. It took a year. Some of you may remember when it was supposed to be released in December, but the last month of pregnancy was a doozy. Well, it’s out now. And, I am floored by the support I have gotten.
I sincerely pray that this devotional book reaches some momma’s hearts and blesses them in this crazy time of life.
I am amazed at the support, even from some of those who hurt my feelings earlier. Like I said, friendship and support look different for different people.
So, I’m learning. Learning to choose joy in the hurt, choose love in the anxiety, and choose gratitude even in the hard times. Because, life looks better when we choose these instead.
What lessons is June teaching you?