I feel you. I really do.
For the last two months, I haven’t been to church, and it’s only been the last several weeks that I’ve been able to watch our service online.
I’m so tired.
I cancel plans a lot.
Being pregnant, with a 10 month old at home, I’m very careful about how and when I expend my energy. Because, I do still have a job to do. I do still have a house to take care of. And, I do still have a tiny human to keep alive.
And, I’m sorry. I constantly feel the need to apologize for falling short in nearly everything. And, perhaps, the truth is, I’m not falling short in everything. I’m giving everything I have when and where I can.
As a mom – as a person – that should absolutely be enough. Yet, we often feel it isn’t.
As a matter of fact, I outlined a lot of this post from my bed yesterday, while watching the children’s Christmas play at church on my computer. Because, the simple act of changing my daughter’s diaper and getting her ready to go with my husband to church left me with: severe round ligament pain, back cramps, and a strong will to remind myself not to throw up.
Going anywhere other than my bed after that was out of the question, especially since I knew waking up this morning at 6 am to teach was a non-negotiable.
When we’re moms, we take on the world. Carrying it and the guilt of not being able to do it all all the time literally weighs us down.
This is why we constantly feel like we need to apologize. Apologize for:
- Missing phone calls
- Cancelling plans
- Not being at church, clubs, etc
- Choosing certain commitments over others
- Taking off work to care for kids
- Missing kids things due to work
- Needing help and understanding
And, we apologize for so much more.
As for me, I’m a mom of a baby, who is also pregnant, and recovering from Postpartum depression, anxiety, and PTSD. Yet, I feel like I need to continue to be all things to all people, or else I have to apologize.
When did it get this way? When did society stop understanding the needs of the mother?
And, imagine a mom with a chronic illness, or a mom with a special needs child. Unfortunately, she feels the need to apologize for even more. Because, often she already felt like she started out behind.
Where is the grace for these mommas? It’s so unfortunate that we feel the need to apologize.
So, to the momma who feels like she has to apologize:
I see you. I understand you. I am you.
And, you have nothing to apologize for. You are doing the best you can with everything you got. How do I know? Because, I see you & understand you.
I know you feel the need to apologize for your shortcomings, for the weight of the world that is hard for you to carry, and because you don’t feel like the superwoman you think you should be.
But, you are. Simply by being a momma, caring for her family as best she can, doing what she can for them, and for herself. Whatever that looks like.
This all makes you every ounce the superwoman you feel like you aren’t.
So, dear momma who feels like she has to apologize.
I give you permission to show yourself grace and to stop apologizing when you don’t need to.