This week in my facebook group, I have been giving a training on Why Balance is a Lie, and what we should be cultivating instead.
Today’s training video was on 5 things we need to let go of to cultivate cadence, and one thing we absolutely need to embrace, and I really feel like I need to share with more people.
Without further ado, here are 5 things to let go of today to cultivate cadence & start to get out of your own way & reclaim your identity/God given dreams.
- Perfectionism: This one is so hard for me. I always thought I was just broken in this area, but this year I actually discovered I have OCPD (Obsessive Compulsive Personality Disorder), and the deeply rooted, paralyzing perfectionism is a mark of the disorder. But, that doesn’t excuse me from learning & growing. And, what I’ve learned is DONE IS BETTER THAN PERFECT & EVERYONE STARTS SOMEWHERE. If we want to get out of our own way, and cultivate cadence in our lives, we have to let go of perfectionism. It will only serve to hold us back from the God given dreams in our hearts and cloud our opinion of who we are.
- Comparison: Have you ever heard that comparison is the thief of joy? Because, yeah, it’s true. If we spend all of our time, especially as chronic illness sufferers, comparing what we have done, can do, and want to do to what others have done, can do, and want to do, we will degrade the beauty of our own uniqueness. We can’t choose joy in that kind of headspace. Also, remember, there is room at the table for all of us. We each were put here for a purpose, and that can only be done by us and no one else. So, let that comparison go. (A helpful tip for this: when you feel that comparison bug bite – choose compliments instead. Compliment yourself, compliment the other person, compliment your family, show gratitude.)
- Bitterness: Bitterness doesn’t leave much room for anything else. Whatever we hold on to, and dwell on, will grow in our hearts. Bitterness does not allow us to forgive in areas we need to forgive. It keeps us from mending our relationships. It keeps us from moving forward in joy. It keeps us from moving toward our dreams. Bitterness is a killer. It just keeps us isolated and broken. So, forgive where you need to forgive, learn where you need to learn, and let go where you need to let go.
- Excessive busy-ness: Repeat after me: busy-ness is not a badge of honor. That’s right. Just because we’re so busy, doesn’t mean we’re doing what’s best. It’s a by-product of this “seeking balance” that we continue to try to find that we keep adding and changing and rearranging our to-do lists. If we are focused on busy-ness, we don’t actually find ourselves being fully successful in anything we’re doing. Tip for this: let go of some things that aren’t serving you, declutter your space and your work, and prioritize.
- Others’ opinions of us: This can be a hard one for so many of us, but, others’ opinions of us is none of our business. We don’t control their opinion of us, and honestly, it takes too much energy for us to try to control them. Honestly, why do so many of us expend so much physical and mental energy trying to please everyone? Not even Jesus pleased everyone, and we’re not him, so…When we hold to tight to others’ opinions of us, we tend to hold ourselves back, water ourselves down, and hide who we really are. How are we to ever find our true friends and confidants if that’s how we’re living our lives? (Hint: we can’t!). So, just stay out of others’ opinions of you – and just embrace those you know love you.
So, now that all of that is out of the way, you might be thinking, what should I be embracing, then?
Well, I’m glad you asked. In place of these five mental energy suckers, you need to embrace the amazing, unique individual God created you to be, and the amazing path He’s placed before you! You know, the things only you can do and be.
Even if you, like me, are an INFP, Enneagram 2w1, with the strengths of: achiever, developer, input, connectedness, learner (again, just like me), you’d still be a completely, 100% unique and amazing individual who is not the same as me – and so would I.
Let it all hang out – in your own way. Regardless of if anyone else “gets it”. Even if you feel like there might be other “more practical” things to do.
Were you called to be a SAHM/WFHM? Do that. Even if your parents don’t think that’s “practical” or your mom-friends are still working outside of the home. They aren’t you & you aren’t them, so just rock that SAHM/WFHM life.
Do you feel like you are meant to start your own business, or be in ministry, or write that book, or teach kids how to play the flugelhorn (is that even a thing?), then, it’s ok. Do those things God has placed in your heart. Trust Him to lead you on His path. Let it be an opportunity to see who is really there to support you, and who was only there for their own good.
It’s my goal for anyone that comes across this gets permission to let go of these five toxic mindsets, and embrace themselves just as God created them and the path He placed before them.
Let me know in the comments which of these is hardest for you to let go, and ways you live full out in who God created you to be.